Mami and I have been dealing with our own "issues". She has been staying late at work and I think I may be getting more teeth. How many more do I need? I have a mouth full!
Apart from late nights at work, mami has been sad again. Really sad.
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Daddy and I can always tell. She doesn't smile as much, her eyes are teary and on weekends she gets up with me then hands me over to daddy. She goes back to her room closes the door and we don't see her for hours.
This weekend daddy and I went out alone, no mami. Normally we take long walks or go for our family run, but daddy and I slipped out the door quietly.
When we got back she was curled up on the sofa with the shades down. She was staring at the TV and her coffee cup was still on the table. She hadn't even finished it! Daddy asked if she was feeling better and mami didn't answer him. She just looked at us and gave us a very, very small smile.
"Do you want to go for a walk then have tea at the cafe?" daddy asked.
I know she was trying to be nice, but she said she didn't "feel like doing anything".
Daddy tried to ask her again, but she just raised her voice and said "I just want to be alone!"
I ran off to play with my blocks, and mami and daddy kept talking. I could hear them in the living room talking about things I have never heard of before. She was trying to tell him why she was sad, then I heard her cry.
After a few minutes I heard the door open and by the time I ran out to see who it was, I heard the door slam shut and mami was gone. I stood behind the door calling for her, but daddy said she "went out for a little bit". Daddy looked sad too, but he called me over and I curled up in his lap.
Daddy and I spent the afternoon together. We read books, watched BabyTV, and ate raisins. I waited and waited for mami, but she did not come back.
After my bath, just when daddy had put me to bed, I heard the door open. I heard mami's voice and I called out for her. She came into the room and gave me a hug and kiss. Where did you go all day? I wanted to know, but she never told me. She held me for a little bit, then she said "buenas noches mi amor" and walked out of the room.
Today she forced herself to get dressed and we went out to lunch with friends. I think she had a good time. I even saw her laugh, but she has yet to be the fun mami I know. I hope mami feels better soon, I like going out with daddy, but I miss the days we can all be together.
Dear mami,
Daddy and I love you very much.
I hope you are not sad this week.
I hope you feel better soon too xxx
ReplyDeleteHope your sunshine comes back :0)
@missielizzieb
This is a terribly moving post. I can totally relate to it. I was in fact writing about how I feel my son copes with my mental illness.
ReplyDeleteIt's brave of you to talk about how you're feeling and it must have been heart wrenching to write it from your sons point of view. Something which, despite me writing about it in 1st person, I could never do. It would just tear me apart.
I hope you are feeling better soon and that you are getting all the love and support you need at home. If not there are so many people out there who can help you. It may feel like you're alone but you're really not. I don't know a lot about your illness or how frequently this happens to you but I am sending you all the virtual cuddles in the world and hoping, dearly, that you are lifted soon.
Much love - please stay strong.
Becca xx
http://beckicklesie.blogspot.com
This has made me cry so much... I know how Mami feels :(
ReplyDelete(sorry I've been a bit rubbish at keeping in touch... I'll email tomorrow :) )
As a father and husband who lives with times as difficult as these, I can relate completely. A wonderful and emotive post.
ReplyDeleteI've got tears in my eyes reading this. It must be so hard for you, especially seeing it through your babies eyes. I really hope you start to feel like yourself soon, and get all the love, support and cuddles you need.
ReplyDeleteKate xxxx
This is so sad and made me cry... I guess the important thing is that Mami knows not to beat herself up and that feeling guilty will only make the sadness worse. Look after yourself.
ReplyDeleteMaria, I'm so sorry you have times like this. I too hope you feel better soon. You are brave; depression is often an issue that is not talked about and swept under the carpet. I hope you get the support you need to get better.
ReplyDeleteMade me sad too.....I hope you are getting some help. I've spent much of my Little M's life in tears. I wonder sometimes what he thinks....he asks me why I am sad.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hoping that this soon passes. Hugs to you. xx
Sadly as someone suffering from severe depression, I have no advice or words of wisdom. But I do want to say that we're thinking of you and you're very strong to right this post from this perspective.
ReplyDeleteMuch live xx
Sorry honey you are not feeeling great, hope you are feeling better soon. If you ever want to chat, give me a shout ;)
ReplyDelete@Kahanka
Oh Maria, this must have been VERY hard to write, especially from Little Ms point of view! You made ME feel all sad, just reading it.
ReplyDeleteHope you feel better soon.
M xx
What a moving post. As others have said, it's incredibly brave to write it from your son's perspective, which must be difficult for you. Does it help too though? To look at yourself through your child's eyes, I mean?
ReplyDeleteI really hope you're feeling better soon.
Take care.
I know how you feel. I have been feeling the same lately. After that awful cold I caught, I just wanted to curl up and just stay in bed all day. I was physically and mentally exhausted. I know I get snappy and then feel guilty about it. One thing that helps me to get back on track sometimes is cooking. It runs in my family too. Drop me an email of you feel like it. Big big big hugs. X
ReplyDeleteI remember mt life 5 years ago...everyday waking with a shower of sadness, unable to deal with everyday life not getting out of bed. I was lucky I finally found my walking stick and started my journey to freedom and 'normal' life there's lots of different things I tried all of them were a step in a very good direction...baby steps each day gets better sometimes you have a bad one. I'm very lucky my life is filled with love and support and I've come through some bad times recently without falling again...always here for others may not be able to mend you but I can be one of your steps xx
ReplyDeleteI remember my life 5 years ago...everyday waking with a shower of sadness, unable to deal with everyday life not getting out of bed. I was lucky I finally found my walking stick and started my journey to freedom and 'normal' life there's lots of different things I tried all of them were a step in a very good direction...baby steps each day gets better sometimes you have a bad one. I'm very lucky my life is filled with love and support and I've come through some bad times recently without falling again...always here for others may not be able to mend you but I can be one of your steps xx
ReplyDeleteI'm visiting from the nest, and this post alone convinced me to start following.
ReplyDeleteYou are indeed brave to put yourself out there by this. Hopefully it actually helps you, in some little way. Draw on all of the support and resources you have at your disposal, and I will keep you in my prayers. (If that means anything to you!)
Kate @ This Mom Loves
Big love and hugs. I know it sounds trite, but I do know how it feels, believe me - both as the child and as the parent.
ReplyDeletePlease know you are loved x
What a moving post - thank you so much for sharing your experiences in this way. I truly hope you feel happier soon x
ReplyDelete